I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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