You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
