Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
