but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
