Someone shit on the floor
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
