my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
