i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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