remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize