My hand turned me down
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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