I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
