He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
