I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize