I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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