You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
