i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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