he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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