You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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