I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
