break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
