The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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