Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
