this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
