I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
