mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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