My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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