Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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