I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize