Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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