sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
