with your own penis?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize