its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize