You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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