you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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