call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize