If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
