Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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