the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
