I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
is wine microwaveable?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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