He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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