i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
