Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
