i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
This is not my ceiling
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
