Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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