With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
