i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
