did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
