The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
