im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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