i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize