Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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