He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
