I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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