I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Drunk is not a location!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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