yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize