dude i'm inner monologue high
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
