I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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