Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize