After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
