I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
