so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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