i love accidental penises.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
