"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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