well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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