I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
