i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
