Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize