I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
