I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
