i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This is the high leading the old right now
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
