i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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