I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
