I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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