On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize