new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
