Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
