I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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