Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
