Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
