i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
