Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It was confusing and full of hummus
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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