the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
