just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
