I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
