goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
