We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
