she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
