I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
