Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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