Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
