The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
