Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
