can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize