He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
