Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
