How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
