i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
