There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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