I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize