I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
