i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
