I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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