Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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