How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
