i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
4 words: hood of his car
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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