Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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