Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
