Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
