I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We have started to decorate penises.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
