we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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