suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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