Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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